Hold On
by Puckk
Summary: When Claire was eight, all blond curls and squeaky giggles, he realized he could never let her go. Gen. Mr. Bennet's [HRG] point of view. Spoilers for episode 17 [sort of].


Hold On

When Claire was eight, all blond curls and squeaky giggles, he realized he could never let her go.

It was a year to the day that he'd lost his last partner. He should've been working but Sandra's mother was sick and while it wasn't a big thing, it was big enough to her. He had taken the day off to watch over the little girl while she played outside and his little boy slept, separate from the drama.

That's what she was to him, a little girl, and to the best of his ability that was what he was going to keep her as.

_A _little girl.

She flitted around outside as he watched her through the window, contemplating doing his work inside or out. It'd be good to keep an eye on her; she did have a tendency to disappear from the confines of the limited window space. Nodding to himself, he checked on Lyle once more and sighed as the sun pierced him through upon leaving his chilled house.

Claire's laughter was as brilliant as the day was hot, childish and careless as she chased butterflies with a neighbour's child.

Claude's words still rang in his head, even after a full year. He couldn't help but watch Claire with a practiced eye, waiting for that day... waiting for the inevitable. She was just like any other girl right now, but she wouldn't always be. He'd always known, just as Claude had.

It was too easy to expect the worst and too hard to hope for better.

While he did some paperwork on the porch, Claire dancing in and out of his peripheral vision and Lyle's baby monitor resting by his foot, he absently noted that the plants could use some water. It'd been an abnormally hot summer, lacking in even the occasional rainfall.

He rubbed at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose; all the words were blending together. The naked silence was so loud in his ears and he was so hot, there was barely a breeze to cool him down. Maybe he should get a glass...

Claire's laughter. Where was Claire's laughter?

Where was Claire?

He bolted upright and did a quick sweep of the area.

"Claire? Claire!"

The neighbour's child was gone as well; no sign of either of them lay within his field of vision. Panic took hold of his heart and squeezed it for all it was worth. He snatched up Lyle's monitor and nearly ran to the neighbour's house only to find Mrs. Gonzalez out front washing off her child's face and hands with a small facecloth and muttering unhappily in Spanish.

"Excuse me? Have you seen Claire?"

"No, no. Rosa said Claire wanted to go catch frogs and she is not liking frogs. Claire is quite the little girl, yes?"

"Yes... quite." He muttered absently, eyes still looking around and mind moving beyond the current conversation. "Mrs. Gonzalez, could you do me a favour? Lyle is asleep and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on him while I looked for Claire."

"Oh, is she not to be going out? Of course I will watch your boy, such a good boy."

"No, no it's not... "He forced himself to look into Mrs. Gonzalez's eyes and calm down, now was not the time. "It's not like that, she's just late for supper and Sandra worked so hard on it... you know how it is."

It was amazing just how easily he sank into his role as a liar.

"Thank you so much," He added dismissively, handing her the monitor and offering Rosa a small smile.

Turning away, he headed to the woods. There was a small wooded area not too far away, the path running through it was often occupied by people taking their dogs for a walk, but if anyone had seen such a cute little girl all alone... even if it was only for a minute...

They lived in a safe area but there were creeps everywhere, he should know.

Unknowingly he sped up, walking faster with each thought until he was sprinting towards and then through the woods, the dirt from the path etching designs into his pants. Little Claire, Claire who had insisted he take a day off to take her to the fair just last week and yet he had refused. How had he refused those little pleading eyes, those tiny soft hands tugging on one of his own?

"Claire!" His voice boomed out through the trees causing small squirrels to chatter angrily at him from afar.

"Claire, where are you?"

"... Daddy?"

It was soft and pained, distant, and his heart leapt into his throat when he heard it. He started heading towards it and looked around, unable to see any sight of his tiny pink and blond daughter.

"Claire bear, where are you?" His voice held the unmistakable tone of restrained panic and he took a deep breath so as not to scare her further. "I need you to tell me where you are, honey."

"Up here, daddy."

Of course she was up there, he thought as he looked up.

And up.

And...

There she was.

She didn't look too worse for wear, just muddy and scared; the whites of her eyes clearly visible behind the sheen of tears. Still, his heart hurt and he just wanted her down from the tree and into his arms. He just wanted her safe.

"I'm coming up, Claire bear, don't worry."

He rolled up his sleeves and took hold of the lowest branch, hoisting himself up the tree gingerly until he reached Claire, his little Claire who was trying so bravely not to cry.

As soon as he reached her she clung to him, crying helplessly into his shirt. He encouraged her to climb onto his back and then picked his way down the tree carefully. When his feet touched the ground he immediately pulled Claire off his back and into his arms, hugging her close as she hiccupped and shook.

"It's ok, it's ok. We're going home. You're safe now, with your daddy. You're safe with your daddy."

He rubbed her back and kissed her bright curls, relishing the feel of her soft in his arms.

He felt her tiny fingers against his neck and realized it was true, it was all true. He knew then what Claude had known, what he himself had known but had tried to ignore. There was no sense in ignorance anymore, there never had been in the first place.

He knew.

No matter how much it would hurt him in the future, he knew.

He'd never let her go again.


End file.
